December 2016
MonTueWedThuFriSatSun
   1234
567891011
12131415161718
19202122232425
262728293031 

Calendar Calendar

Thống Kê
Hiện có 1 người đang truy cập Diễn Đàn, gồm: 0 Thành viên, 0 Thành viên ẩn danh và 1 Khách viếng thăm

Không

[ View the whole list ]


Số người truy cập cùng lúc nhiều nhất là 14 người, vào ngày Sun Nov 11, 2012 1:18 am

Should students in the college have a part-time job?

Xem chủ đề cũ hơn Xem chủ đề mới hơn Go down

Should students in the college have a part-time job?

Bài gửi  phucle on Wed Dec 07, 2011 1:23 pm

Hiiiii ! this is the outline for my essay with the topic" students in the college should have a part time job". Give me some comments !I'll be grateful !!!




Introduction: Students in the college wonder whether they should have a part time job or not. Some say they should, while some say they shouldn't.In my opinion, student should have a part time job for several reasons.

Body:1)working helps students ensure their financial matter.
+)Many families are not so rich and find hard to provide their childen with money sufficiently, so by working students can earn money and pay for their life and learning partly by themselves.
+)Moreover, by working, students help to lessen their family, their parents' burden, because when students can earn money by themself means that their parents can save a big sum of money and do not to have to work so hard.
2)working help students manage their money more effectively.
+)Because having to work hard to get some money, students may realize the value of the money they make-how hard it is to earn just some money by themself, so they do not want to spend freely their money- their labor.
3)some may argue that working-earn money make students become materialistic.
+)While it is true that when people pay too much attention to money makes them materialistic,we all know why students want to earn money - because they lack money which relates directly to their daily life and learning.
+)Also, by the time they attending the college, students is over 18 years old, means that they are mature enoughand they should gradually be familiar with making money by their own, which they have to do after 4 years.
4)working can be a valuable experience for students.
+)self- confidence
+)comunicating skill,
+)certain skills for future jobs:For example tutoring skills relate to teachers, waiter, waitress, or a seller in a restaurant, shop that serve foreigners can be useful when they are tour guides or interpreters.
5)Lastly, Some say that working means students spend less time for their study.
+)Indeed, while working, students manage their time very effectively.
+)They highly value their time and take advantage of every moment for study:A suvey show that though working,the majority of students still maintain stable learning result.

Conclusion:Having a part time job can bring so many benifits, so students should have a part time job.




phucle

Tổng số bài gửi : 4
Join date : 05/11/2011

Xem lý lịch thành viên

Về Đầu Trang Go down

Re: Should students in the college have a part-time job?

Bài gửi  caoxuanlien on Wed Dec 07, 2011 10:40 pm

Hi Phuc, I have read your outline and found that your ideas are great. However, to make it better, there are some points you should improve.
1. some of your sentences are fragment ones which lack the subject. For example:
- Moreover, by working, students help to lessen their family, their parents' burden, because when students can earn money by themself means that their parents can save a big sum of money and do not to have to work so hard.

- While it is true that when people pay too much attention to money makes them materialistic
- Also, by the time they attending the college, students is over 18 years old, means that they are mature enough ......after 4 years.
=>>> some sentences are quite long and embed many ideas. You had better shorten them to make your ideas clearer.
2. some spelling mistakes:
- themself >>> themselves
- comunicating >>> communicating
- suvey >>> survey
- benifits >>> benefits
Hope you will develop this outline into a good essay!!!

caoxuanlien

Tổng số bài gửi : 5
Join date : 13/11/2011

Xem lý lịch thành viên

Về Đầu Trang Go down

Xem chủ đề cũ hơn Xem chủ đề mới hơn Về Đầu Trang

- Similar topics

 
Permissions in this forum:
Bạn không có quyền trả lời bài viết